


Sunsets facing westward

by magicites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 22:01:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2324678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicites/pseuds/magicites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first thing Kageyama needs is to have his heart broken, so he can pick up the pieces and give them to someone who will treat them with the care they deserve. Koushi can’t make him move on, but he can give him the tools to do so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunsets facing westward

**Author's Note:**

> this morning i woke up and went, "i want to write about bittersweet kagesuga," so i did, and i liked the result! maybe you will like the result, too.
> 
> There's also a tiny hint to kagehina in here, by the way.

Koushi is fairly skilled when it comes to reading emotions. On the court, this helps him connect to his team. The better he can read them, the easier it is to toss to them. It helps him form a synergy that brings out the best in his teammates.

Off the court, it’s one of the reasons why people gravitate towards him. He’s not exactly popular, but he has a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. He just  _gets_  others.

It’s also what helps him figure out that Kageyama has feelings for him.

Koushi doesn’t say anything about it at first, not even to Daichi. There’s a definite difference in how Kageyama starts to treat him (the most notable example being his sudden, bewildering embarrassment whenever Koushi offers him more than a passing glance), but something in his clipped, flustered responses whenever they talk tells Koushi that Kageyama isn’t fully aware of what he feels yet.

It makes him smile, really, but it reminds him of just how  _young_  Kageyama really is. Two years of age and eons of maturity separate them; there’s no way Koushi would ever feel comfortable returning his feelings. Kageyama is, at the end of the day, more of a kid than he is. Koushi wants to be a lot of things to him (mentor, friend, and teammate are all prime examples), but 'boyfriend' has never been on that list.

He waits. He waits until an easygoing grin sends Kageyama into a series of choked sputters as he tries to show his appreciation for everything that he does. By that point, just about the whole team has noticed the change, though very few can pinpoint the reason as to why. If even  _Nishinoya_  (of all people) can see it, then Kageyama himself must realizes what he feels, right?

That thought is what drives Koushi to ask Kageyama to stay after practice one day. It’s a bit difficult to shoo Hinata away, but Koushi somehow manages to send him out of the gym with just a pout for company. The sound of his shoes scuffling against the floor echoes throughout the nearly-empty gym.

With that final distraction gone, Koushi turns to face Kageyama. He’s like a trapped animal in here, eyes darting everywhere that isn’t near Koushi’s face. His mouth wavers in a way that betrays his nerves — he wants to say something, but can’t work up the courage to.

He won’t see it, but Koushi smiles regardless, and sets a hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. The sudden contact makes him freeze up; he tries to pull away, but Koushi tightens his grip and forces him to stay put.

"Kageyama," he begins, keeping his voice low and gentle, "I know." He swallows. "About your feelings for me."

Kageyama begins to sputter incoherently. His face explodes into a flurry of color. Even the tips of his ears burn bright red. He trains his eyes on a faraway spot on the floor.

"And it’s ok! I was actually in the same situation when I was a first year," Koushi admits with (what he hopes is) a reassuring grin. "I liked the team’s captain."

That finally sparks a reaction out of him that Koushi can work with. Kageyama doesn’t lift his eyes from the floor, but he does manage to squeeze out a forced, “how did it end?”

Koushi’s grin stays firmly in place. “He didn’t like me back, of course!” He feels Kageyama’s shoulder go stiff, but he doesn’t let that deter him. He’s felt that same cold, abject fear too. He only hopes that he can hold on tightly enough to keep Kageyama from thinking that the ground has dropped out beneath his feet. He won’t let him fall. “But he helped me move on.”

Kageyama bites his lip, teeth digging in harshly enough to draw blood. Koushi winces, but there’s nothing he can do but wait for him to speak. “…how?” He asks, and it comes out as a tiny, broken squeak.

This isn’t the setter that Koushi can’t compare to — right now, a scared kid stands in front of him. He feels his heart break a little in his chest.

But this is what helped him move on those years ago, and hopefully, it’ll help Kageyama, too. There are better people out there for him than Koushi — hell, he’s seen the way Hinata steals glances at him when nobody’s looking. They’d be so much better for each other than Koushi could ever be for either of them.

The first thing Kageyama needs is to have his heart broken, so he can pick up the pieces and give them to someone who will treat them with the care they deserve. Koushi can’t make him move on, but he can give him the tools to do so.

He thinks back to that time two years ago when he was the shy first year shaking in front of an upperclassmen who he’d follow to the ends of the earth. He can’t remember the exact words they exchanged anymore, but he can remember the visceral pain that shot through him when he was rejected.

He can also remember the gentle press of (experienced, deft) lips against his own. He sketches that memory out in his mind as he leans forward, filling in the gaps that he can’t quite define on his own with pieces of the present.

Kageyama freezes at first, but once he registers exactly what happens, he is pliant, soft, almost desperate. Koushi folds a melancholy smile into the kiss — he felt that same hopeless want when he was in Kageyama’s position.

He tries to communicate to Kageyama all of the things that his old captain communicated to him back then. Their kiss is slow and lingering, and though Kageyama doesn’t quite know what to do with his own lips, it is not entirely unpleasant. Koushi tries to communicate a future that isn’t meant to be with the kiss; a lifetime of events that they’re not meant to experience.

It’s all that they could have been, if they weren’t the people they are now. He tries to tell him many things with that kiss, but if there’s one thing he hopes Kageyama will leave this gym with, it’ll be the knowledge that this isn’t right for either of them.

When Koushi pulls away and opens his eyes, he sees that Kageyama’s expression has changed. The pain is still evident on his face, but there’s a light in his eyes that tells Koushi everything that Kageyama probably won’t.

He’ll be ok soon enough. He can move on.

Koushi finally lets go of him. Kageyama turns and leaves without a word. He disappears into the locker room, and Koushi stands there and counts to 500 before leaving himself.

He hears quiet sniffles as he enters the room; he quietly promises to keep it a secret. There’s nothing shameful about hurting, but he’s already hurt Kageyama’s feelings. Keeping his pride intact is the least Koushi can do.

(It takes two weeks before Kageyama is willing to talk to Koushi on his own again, but when he does, there’s a steadiness in his voice that tell Koushi that he really is ok.

Koushi is so, so proud.)

**Author's Note:**

> the whole "kiss between a couple that just isn't meant to be" is one of my absolute favorite tropes and i really hope it becomes more popular in fandom. it is SUCH A GOOD, bittersweet trope.


End file.
